Star Wars

They used to do the original trilogy reruns on Star Movies when I was a kid. Me and Bhaiya would go crazy about them. I don't even think I understood much beyond "hey cool light swords and aliens" around the first time, to be honest.

So probably I began "understanding" the Star Wars mythology and everything later on, between the release of Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. By RotS, I had become this proper SW "stan", as they say this days. Did I think Anakin was a worse protagonist than Luke? Yes. Did I hate Jar Jar Binks? Yes. But did I hate the prequel trilogy? No, not really. I mean, yeah I'll occasionally bash them for the weird plot points and shit but still, teenage me loved the hell out of those things.

Then, by the time the sequel trilogy came along, I was actually a grownup. I've had my time to create "higher" expectations from a eff-ing space opera. I got into the whole web interactions thing, where just watching a movie wasn't enough, dissecting it, "theorizing" about it, then getting mad when the theories didn't become true, then getting mad at other people for spewing nonsense.

Damn, being a SW fan has become complicated. Anyhow, as we near the end of the sequel trilogy, I feel like, this once I'd like to forget all the shit. I'd like to just go, watch the movie, and enjoy some good old space opera.

One last time.

Break

I graduated from BUET in August 2015, it took about five and a half years. Towards the end, it got more exhausting than I could have imagined in the earlier days. No matter how good some of the times were, I couldn't wait to put it behind me.
I also felt I needed a well-deserved break. I remember telling my mother as early as March of that year, that after graduating I wish I got to go home and stay in Rajshahi for a few weeks, even months may be. That I would not feel bad or whatever if I don't immediately get a job. Bla bla bla.

As fate would have it, I got a rather tempting job offer as soon as graduating. Couldn't resist the allure, deserved break be damned, I joined. And while the first months in the job were possibly easier than whatever I went through in the final year of university, it was no vacation. Eventually, got involved in the job more, used to spend hours in the office at times, would bring work home even (to the irritation of my wife). I think I can safely say, to some extent I enjoyed the work. However much I enjoyed it though, the need for a break that I felt before, was coming back. And it had only gotten stronger during the wait. I used to joke all the time that I'd some day be brave enough to just call my boss and say "I quit, I want to sleep!". During my three years working there, the only long leave that I managed to take was for a two-week tour to Nepal. The tour itself was lovely. My wife and I saw snow for the first time, paraglided, ate different types of momo. Then I came back, rejoined office, and to my utter surprise, realized that I still wanted that goddamn break. That I still need to just lay back, and do abso-fucking-lutely nothing for a few days.

Anyway, again, as time would see, I would get another opportunity that would be great for me. An admission offer letter to graduate school, studying economics, computation and other shit. Again, being the sucker that I am for "good" opportunities, I took the offer. Before leaving for school though, spent even the last few days tying up ends at the job. So, if I had been subconsciously motivated about grad school from the hope that, I'd get some time between quitting the job and needing to leave, that hope was very much misplaced.

So still no break, and lo - I'm suddenly doing my PhD. I mean, I know why I'm here. I understand that with my curiosity, or ambitions or whatever else attributes I might possess, I was bound to end up here anyway.

But, still, I can't help thinking, if only I had managed to take that break, somewhere in the last five years, maybe, maybe today would be more tolerable.